‘Real Housewives of New York City’ Season 5 Episode 1 Recap
Welcome back to Real Housewives of New York City – 5.0 edition! I have to say, I trust Bravo completely, because during the entire episode, I didn’t miss Jill, Alex, Kelly, and of course not Cindy (to no one’s surprise) one bit. I always say, my favorite Real Housewives cast is the current one, and this was no exception: I was certainly ready for the cultured (snort) high-society bunch after weeks of listening to Joe Giudice having to “take a dumper” and the stale air of the blondes on Real Housewives of Orange County. This season, we are introduced to three new housewives, and though I was skeptical of the change before, I am so on board now! But did anyone else think that the opening montage and the music looks like a poorly done Jimmy Fallon parody? Take a look at my favorite scenes from the season premiere!
Right away: LuAnn says that attractive women look at each other? WTF? Then she goes on to awkwardly comment on Aviva missing half a leg… because handicapped people aren’t poised or graceful. Money can buy a prosthetic, but clearly, it can’t buy you class. And with all this French, never have I wanted Jill Zarin’s Five Towns screech more. This new chick seems promising. Her ex-husband dated three housewives? Is Harry Dubin the new Slade Smiley?
Sonja! Like a breath of fresh air. This certainly doesnt look like a party thrown by a woman who’s $19 million in debt.
Like clockwork: Ramona asked for her Pinot Grigio. Is it 8 a.m. already?
Heather has a shapewear line; move over Bethenny Frankel and Jill Zarin!
Suck-uppppppp, is what I thought when I heard Aviva talking to Carole about her book. I love that Carole broke the tension, moving from talking about being a widow to asking if Aviva could see her tits. I have a feeling that I’m going to like this chick.
LuAnn and Heather’s conversation about languages was funny. I love this pissing contest of culture.
Um… Heather’s dad just died on Friday? I don’t even know what to say about that. “That sucks?”
Carole is offended that they are talking about kids. Well, this is Real Housewives, not The Bachelorette.
That montage of Ramona attacking LuAnn made her look mighty bad. Here’s a little tip, ‘Mona: you should really only do color on your lip or your eye. And purple eye-shadow and red lips don’t exactly go. Though that call might be a bit difficult to make 27 glasses of Pinot into the day.
My only question while listening to Carole’s description of her Kennedy ties is: did she ever know Little Edie?!
Ms. Diva walks in with her huge sunglasses… trying not to call attention to herself? Ramona then proceeds to brag about being on the cover of the Learning Annex. MEOW, Heather, with her comments about the Learning Annex! Say more mean things.
You might not be able to live without a liver – but Ramona might have to if she keeps drinking at this rate. When Heather offered Ramona a drink, she declined: who else was expecting her to come back with, “…Well, maybe some wine!”
What a horrifying story about Aviva losing her leg. Good on Aviva for making the best of her situation and refusing to be a victim.
Wasn’t LuAnn married for like 15 years? When did she have a chance to date Harry Dubin? Or are the rumors true, and she dated him when she was married to that good ole, kooky, transitions-lenses-sporting, rumored anti-Semite, The Count, Alex De Lesseps?!
So sensitive, Ramona, in response to Heather telling the ladies that her father had just died: “You have a lot of issues.” Crazy Eyes are bulging. Don’t go there.
I love Ramona’s stressed out eyes when the housekeeper isn’t opening the bottle of wine correctly. She’s like, Not. Fast. Enough. Need my Pinot Grigio at awl times!
The more I see them together, the more I notice Mario picking up Ramona’s rude mannerisms. I will say that I did want to hear more about what Mario was saying. Let’s hear more about Ramona’s backwaters hometown and family!
The subsequent conversation between Heather and Ramona was excruciating. You could cut the passive-aggressive tension with a knife!
That’s INSANE that Heather just said some kids are born with no legs without knowing that Aviva is missing a leg. What are the chances?!
Poor Sonja. I want to know more about the story of her ex-husband and her divorce. Details, puh-lease! If Sonja wrote a memoir, I would eat that shit up.
Victoria’s paintings scare me. Is there an art therapist in the house?
I 100% believe LuAnn’s story of Ramona threatening her. Typical. I would love to see Victoria and Noel confront Ramona. After watching these last few seasons of Real Housewives of New York City as they were replayed in anticipation of the new season, I remembered that I liked Ramona way better back when she had long hair. The haircut changed everything!
All in all, I think we are in for a great season!
(Photos via Bravotv.com)