‘Real Housewives of New York City’ Season 5 Episode 9 Recap

Part two of the Miami trip is upon us, and this time, Carole and Sonja join the ladies and their husbands for some fun in the sun. Carole invites the ladies to Ranjana’s sweet penthouse, where Ramona starts lecturing Aviva on the dangers of getting her prosthetic leg wet, and doesn’t let up for the entire trip. Aviva invites George over, because apparently she hasn’t had her fill (and neither has he – yet- heh heh), where he proceeds to talk dirty to his potential date, Sonja… and Carole and Ramona… Finally, Carole decides to confront LuAnn about the “one thing” that annoys her about her. Check out my favorite scenes from this week’s episode!

Carole is ready to break up with her novel and her leading lady and we get to drool over Chez Radziwill. Aviva’s starting to reach her limit with Ramona, after a few days straight of nothing but Pinot and pure unfiltered, intoxicated monologues.

Fuckin’ Ranjana. I’m sick of hearing about this bitch. Ranjana, Ranjana, Ranjana. Carole describes Ranjana’s penthouse as the being in the ”most chic-est” place in Miami. Are we very sure that Carole is a real writer?

Of course, Ramona has one drop of alcohol and asserts that Ranjana’s little shack is in an “up-and-coming area” and that clearly she “buys cheap and sells high.” That’s our girl!

RAMONA! WTF, girl?! She tells Aviva that she’s not allowed to get her fake leg wet, and asks just how many legs she has. Down, girl.

Daddy’s little girl! Just kidding, she’s trying face yoga, as per Ranjana’s suggestion.

Ramona’s diarrhea of the mouth is in full force today and she can’t help screeching orders at everyone. Oh, look, she’s not done ordering Aviva out of the pool. Get OUT and take that wet leg with you!

The ladies are getting dolled up for Sonja’s hot date with Aviva’s geriatric pervert father and Sonja and Ramona – or “Frick and Frack” -are bonding again. Guess all is forgiven now that Heather and LuAnn are the ones excluded from the fun!

There he is, all dapper and tan, with a full head of silver hair! He starts in, complimenting Carole, playfully insulting Reid’s fashion sense, flirting with Ramona…until he realizes her own hunky husband is within eyesight.

Sonja thinks that George looks “money” and notes his sick real estate, and suddenly Mrs. Morgan thinks she could get down to her skivvies with another loose-skinned senior if necessary. Visions of ten-dollar Gruyère cheese and fresh brioche dance in her head, and she decides to swallow her disgust and give it the ol’ college try. You’ve done one old guy, you’ve done ‘em all.

Aviva jokingly thanks her dad for suggesting she order the Kobe beef hot dog the other night and George is all, “Charmed, I’m sure.”

Oh, dear old DAD! George tells Carole he could give her her first squirting orgasm and Mario bursts out laughing, spewing (I assume) Ramona Pinot Grigio everywhere.

Apparently, dating Sonja would be robbing the cradle for George, as he has apparently slept recently slept with a 23-year-old – aka someone my age. Hell to the no would I touch that man with anything other than an obligatory stiff air kiss to the cheek area on holidays, but I guess I don’t speak for everyone in my age bracket…

George remarks, “Wow! What a body!” when his daughter undresses. Oh, DAD, there you go again, making all my friends uncomfortable!

SOUND THE ALARMS: Aviva chooses to enjoy the water like a real girl and Ramona is not pleased. The leg – the water – the leg – the water – does – not – compute – peepers are poppin’ and Ramona’s head is about to explode. Aviva quips off-camera that if Ramona had continued with her “concern” about her leg, she would have been forced to tell her what she really thought of her bathing suit. Ha!

Um: George has gone from kinda cute harmless horny old guy to poking his daughter’s friend with his boner, and for once, even Sonja thinks he’s gone too far. Ramona says that George looks very virile  - that is: “vurr-ull.” I would love to have lunch with Ramona if only to hear her pronunciation of words.

As if he hasn’t gone far enough, Daddy Warbucks notes that Little Orphan Annie isn’t wearing a bra – and he likes it. Is someone paying him to act like this? After meeting her father, I can’t believe how normal Aviva is!

I think Carole was being a little petty about LuAnn asking her friend to borrow a dress for her photo shoot. She even said that nothing else about LuAnn bothers her – HA! The fact is that LuAnn bugs her, maybe so much so that Carole can’t explain just why, and she’s looking for any and all reasons to get us on her side. Bitch, please: Lu Lu is the veteran here.

It’s happening: Aviva is officially annoyed by Ramona. But why? Could it be that she’s been torturing her about her prosthetic leg the entire time that Aviva invited her on this trip and put her up in her lovely home? Aviva decides to give her one more chance. Let’s see how this turns out…

(Photos via Bravotv.com)